i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
