hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
