You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
