why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You have to summon your inner elephant
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
