As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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