Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the day after is always just damage control
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she pinky promised me she was 18
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
