I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
