Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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