How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
