I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.