I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?