This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!