she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?