Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You can't special order awesome
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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