I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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