I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
