i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
