the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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