just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I want her autograph on my taint
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
