Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
