Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
