i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
