First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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