so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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