you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
