textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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