i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
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I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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