I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
