Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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