Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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