And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
