Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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