Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
