I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
