Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
