I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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