dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
