They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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