Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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