i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
