I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
