So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
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Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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