just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
