it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
