Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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