Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
