i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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