why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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