This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
