U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
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I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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