Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
