im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
