You're so nebulous sometimes
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize