I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
