my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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