i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
