Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also, beer. Big fan.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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