Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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