Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
