I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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