I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize