Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
